Now 7397 one-liners online!

Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - a

 
A "handicapped golfer" is a man who plays golf with his wife.
 
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
 
A baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
 
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
 
A bachelor is like a modern cleanser: works fast and leaves no ring.
 
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
 
A bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
 
A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives.
 
A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it's an undo-it-yourself project.
 
A bad plan is better than no plan.
 
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
 
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
 
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
 
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
 
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
 
A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."
 
A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
 
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
 
A bird in the hand is probably dead.
 
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.