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A "handicapped golfer" is a man who plays golf with his wife.
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
A baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
A bachelor is like a modern cleanser: works fast and leaves no ring.
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
A bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives.
A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it's an undo-it-yourself project.
A bad plan is better than no plan.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."
A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A bird in the hand is probably dead.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.