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Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - d

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Damned if I do, damned if I don' damnit I will!
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Dancing is like a shower: one wrong turn and you're in hot water.
DARE to keep cops off donuts.
Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
Dead owls don't give a hoot.
Dear Journal: I've figured out what's been causing my writer's cramp, that's why this is my last entry.
Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever. <PAUSE> Thy will will be done. Munch munch munch.
Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number.
Death is a part of life. It's just a lot less scary and painful than the rest of it.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is hereditary.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life.
Death to all fanatics!
Death, taxes and depression: three things you can always depend on.