Now 7397 one-liners online!

Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - d

 
Did you hear about the blonde that tried to steal a police car? She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
 
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
 
Did you hear about the device that makes cars run 95% quieter? .... it fits right over her mouth.
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."
 
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
 
Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra? He's a little stiff now.
 
Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men ? It changes their blood type.
 
Did you hear about the new breakfast cereal for impotent husbands? It's called Nut'n Raisin Honey !
 
Did you hear about the self help group for compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon.
 
Did you hear about the shopkeeper who was making a fortune selling thong bikinis? They were going for fifty dollars a crack!
 
Did you hear about the two blond thieves that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.
 
Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.
 
Did you hear Al Gore is running for president? His slogan? "Only Tipper gets in MY zipper"
 
Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks? He just bends over the pages!
 
Did you hear that A & P and Stop-N-Shop have merged? The new store's called "Stop 'n Pee".
 
Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
 
Did you know that all great lovers have bad memories ? ...Or did I tell you that already ?
 
Did you know that Bill Gates bought the rights to Viagra? He renamed it MICROHARD.
 
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
 
Did you sleep well? "No, I made a couple of mistakes."