Now 7397 one-liners online!

Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - f

 
Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15
 
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition.
 
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
 
Firefighting is like sex; size, equipment, and technique are all important.
 
First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
 
First National Bank of Dad. Sorry, closed.
 
First rule of acting: whatever happens, look as if it were intended.
 
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
 
First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
 
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
 
Five seconds later, I'm getting the upside of 15kV across the nipples. These ambulance guys sure know how to party.
 
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
 
Flatulence : An emergency vehicle that transports patients to the hospital after being squashed by a steamroller
 
Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
 
Flying is not dangerous. Crashing is dangerous.
 
Follow God and he'll lead you where you should be. Follow me and we'll probably get lost a few times, and wind up on the other side of the galaxy.
 
Follow your dream; unless it's the one where your naked at work during a fire drill.
 
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
 
Fools rush in - and get all the best seats.
 
Football combines the two worst things about American life. It is violence, punctuated by committee meetings.