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Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - f

 
Football doesn't build character. It eliminates the weak ones.
 
For a fat girl, you don't fart much.
 
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.
 
For a while I didn't have a car. I had a helicopter, but no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running.
 
For christmas I want Santa's list of naughty girls.
 
For Christmas, I got a new shirt and a piece of ass...they were both too big.
 
For every "10" there are 10 "1's".
 
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
 
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
 
For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
 
For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble.
 
For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.
 
For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Chances are you're one of them.
 
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
 
For good, return good. For evil, return justice.
 
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny.
 
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
 
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
 
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