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Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
 
Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.
 
Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra!
 
Half measures availed us nothing.
 
Half of a large intestine == 1 semicolon
 
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
 
Half of my ancestors were women.
 
Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence.
 
Half the people in the world are below average.
 
Half the people you know are below average.
 
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
 
Hallmark Card: "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
 
Hallmark Card: "As you grow older , Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
 
Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
 
Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."
 
Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
 
Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....Almost Lifelike!"
 
Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas).
 
Hallmark Card: "How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"
 
Hallmark Card: "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."