Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - i

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I always win. Except win I lose, but then I just don't count it.

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

I am amazed at radio DJs today. I am firmly convinced that AM stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

I am at two with nature.