Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - i

I broke a leg one time ... spilt coffee all over.

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

I called the wrong number today. I said is Joey there? A women answered and said yes, he is. I said, can I speak to him please? She said no, he can't talk right now, he's only two months old. I said all right, I'll wait.

I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

I can levitate birds, but nobody cares.

I can not dial 911.
There's no 11 on my phone.

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep. I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's really easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said, "I thought I told you to go to sleep!"

I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese? They probably break down into their various gases before they even hit.