Now 7397 one-liners online!

Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - j

 
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
 
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
 
Jeffrey Dahmer was the only man in America whose bologna really did have a first name.
 
Jell-O is just Kool-Aid with a hard-on.
 
Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
 
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
 
Jesus died for your sins, but rose for your brains.
 
Jesus is coming! Look busy.
 
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
 
Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
 
Jesus said, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, and render up to God what is God's." So, at the Last Supper, did He turn down the Caesar's salad?
 
Jesus SAVES! Jordon gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!
 
Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.
 
Jesus says to John come forth and i'll give you eternal life. John came fifth... he won a toaster.
 
Jewish Pagans are like regular Pagans. We believe in the Mother Goddess, we just feel guilty about not calling.
 
Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.
"They should not put up such misleading notices", said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
 
Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
 
Join the I.R.S. -- Be Audit You Can Be
 
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
 
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.