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NASA has just completed work on a new rocket, nicknamed "Civil Servant." It won't work and they can't fire it.
 
National Atheist's Day April 1st
 
National Schizophrenic's Convention: Anybody who's everybody will be there!
 
National Spellling Bee Runer-Up
 
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
 
Nature invented sex as a reward for letting go of childhood.
 
Nearby is a forest. Not just any forest, but a forest where they get paneling. It was a long thin forest.
 
Nebraska: At least the cows are sane.
 
Necrophelia means never having to say... well, anything!
 
Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
 
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
 
Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them, and Psychiatrists charge them rent.
 
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
 
Never answer an anonymous letter
 
Never argue with your wife. Just dicker.
 
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
 
Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
 
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
 
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
 
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.