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One of my fondest memories of my grandfather was the day I went to his house and that tied-up man came hopping out of the closet yelling that he was my real grandfather and that the other guy was an impostor and that I should run away and call the police. Who was that guy anyway? Oh well, I never did see him again.

One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask any addict.

One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions ... like a state of sheer terror.

One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.