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"A slipping sear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - PS magazine
"Am I indecisive?" Can I get back to you on that?
"And God said, ""Let there be light"", and there was light. And everyone said, ""Hey, cool! Do You do parties?""."
"Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
"I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single?"
"I'm sorry.. Am I poking holes in your self-esteem bucket?"
"If these pills don't stop the kleptomania, said the psychiatrist, ""try and get me a nice video camera."""
"Just say no!" prevents teenage pregnancy the way "Have a nice day" cures chronic depression.
"Nearly everything you read signed from God"" is just somebody putting their words in My mouth."" - God"
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot.
"Well ya see, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
'I'm not sure who he is, but I've heard he's got his hand in a lot of things.'- Kermit The Frog, about Jim Henson.
'Sarchasm' is he gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
'Tis better to have loved and lost, than marry a woman you can't defrost.
(On a shirt for women.) If you're reading this, thank puberty.
(on a t-shirt) BOMB SQUAD. If I'm running, try to keep up.
(On a T-shirt) Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?