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Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - s

Saving pus in a mason jar on a shelf by your front door, while being an admirable goal, will not only attract flies, but can also be taxed in some states.
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
Say it with flowers - Give her a triffid.
Say no, then negotiate.
Say not you know another entirely, till you have divided an inheritance with him.
Scandisk is now checking your hard drive. You can start praying.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary.
School is just an elaborate plot by vampires to obtain the blood of teenagers through periodic blood-drives.
Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called "a wedding cake".
Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, you're it.
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
Scratch a cat and you'll find a permanent job.
Screw me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?
Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
Screw world peace, visualize DRIVING.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.