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Alphabet - Browse funny one-liners - t
The Attorney General has determined that Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms can be dangerous to your health, and get away with it! |
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. |
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The average man's judgement is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it. |
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The average person thinks he isn't. |
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. |
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The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers. |
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The axiom of Paris Hilton: "I must go down on what comes up."
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The balls are the posse of the penis. While the penis is inside you, making you happy, the balls are outside working security. It's a velvet rope situation. No one can get in now. Finger, not tonight. There's another club around the block, it's a little dirty, but I think you can squeeze in. |
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The beatings will continue until morale improves. |
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. |
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The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter. |
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The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror... with a cop in it. |
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The best exercise: reach down and pull somebody up. |
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The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day. |
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The best measure of someone's honesty is the zero adjust on their bathroom scale. |
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The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.
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The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it. |
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The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. |
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The best thing about outer space is that there's no wind. |
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The best things in life are free. So, how many kittens do you want?
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