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Ulcers are caused not so much by what we eat as what's eating us.
 
Under capitalism man exploits man. Under socialism it's just the opposite.
 
United We Stand... Divided We Stagger.
 
Universal truth: At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
 
Universal truth: Bricks are horrible to carry.
 
Universal truth: Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
 
Universal truth: Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
 
Universal truth: Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
 
Universal truth: Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
 
Universal truth: Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
 
Universal truth: Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
 
Universal truth: In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
 
Universal truth: Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
 
Universal truth: Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
 
Universal truth: No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
 
Universal truth: Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
 
Universal truth: Old ladies can eat more than you think.
 
Universal truth: Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
 
Universal truth: One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
 
Universal truth: People who don't drive slam car doors too hard