Now 7397 one-liners online!

Jokes

You know you're getting older when...

181
Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.
182
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
183
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
184
Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
185
Your ears are hairier than your head.
186
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
187
Your hot flashes set off the smoke alarm.
188
Your house plants are alive and you can't smoke any of them.
189
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
190
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
191
Your insurance company sends you half a calendar.
192
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
193
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
194
Your kids buy you and your spouse a t-shirt that says "old fart" and "old fart's wife".
195
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
196
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
197
Your medical expenses go up 50%.
198
Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
199
Your mind bets you can do the simple physical tasks you've always done, and your body bets you can't...and gives odds.
200
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.