Now 7397 one-liners online!

Jokes

You know you're getting older when...

21
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
22
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
23
It's tougher to lose weight, because over time your body and your fat are really good friends.
24
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
25
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
26
MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
27
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
28
One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
29
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
30
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
31
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
32
The candles cost more than the cake.
33
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
34
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
35
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
36
The girls at the office start confiding in you.
37
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
38
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
39
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
40
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.