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Latest One-liners

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I am a deeply superficial person.
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies.
Climate is what you expect: weather is what you get.
The most important thing in the application development is the name. An application will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable application.
The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!
The farther backwards you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
My Chinese girlfriend said "You shit in bed"... so I did.
Tornado rips through cemetery: Hundreds dead!
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time. The last 10% usually takes the other 90% of the time.
A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato plant? The best part of him is underground.
Trust in God, but tie your camel. (Arab proverb)
To live your life to the fullest, you've got to be a master of economics... after all, time's demand is always far exceeding it's supply.
If Snapple comes from the best stuff on earth, then our planet really sucks.
If your beauty is on the inside, turn yourself inside out.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.