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The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
 
My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.
 
In our family we don't divorce our men, we bury them.
 
I prefer defending murderers. It's less depressing and as a rule I meet nicer people. - (A family attorney, turned defense attorney)
 
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine. Then a classic case of divorce really affected me.
 
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
 
For some reason, we see divorce as a signal of failure, despite the fact that each of us has a right, and an obligation, to rectify any other mistake we make in life.
 
Dog people should marry dog people and cat people should marry cat people.
 
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
 
A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.
 
Let's say you stuff a cat's tail up his ass until it peeks out of his mouth, and you give the tip of its tail a sound yank. Would the cat turn inside out?
 
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
 
I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?
 
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
 
Even paranoids have enemies.
 
There are no winners in life...only survivors.
 
It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.
 
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
 
If I live in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everyone would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
 
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor... so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark...