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Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin!
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
My wife submits and I obey, she always lets me have her way.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
All men are animals, some just make better pets
My testicles just dropped.....WITH A VENGENCE!!!
Trying to squash a rumour is like trying to unring a bell.
Trust but verify.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
The insane create worlds, the sane live in them... the sane create cages, the insane live in them.
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.