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ARMY: Everything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
 
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
 
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
 
A comparison of human population growth rates and mime population growth rates indicates that within twenty years the world will be overun by mimes and humans will be their slaves, toiling twenty five hours a day making stripy shirts and berets.
 
The words you speak today should be soft and tender... for tomorrow you may have to eat them.
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