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Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
 
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
 
If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you where to go.
 
I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference."
 
Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
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