Now 7397 one-liners online!

Runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners!

Here you can find 400 funny runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners. Runners-up one-liners are one-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100.

481
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
482
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
483
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
484
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
485
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
486
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
487
What is a commitee? It is a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
488
When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers.
489
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
490
Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!
491
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
492
Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it.
493
I must be a proctologist... because I work with assholes.
494
A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
495
If you are not committing any sins, you are probably not having a lot of fun.
496
The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.
497
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
498
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
499
You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
500
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.