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Runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners!
Here you can find 400 funny runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners. Runners-up one-liners are one-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100.
| 481 | In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? |
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| 482 | Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. |
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| 483 | My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. |
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| 484 | I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. |
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| 485 | An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. |
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| 486 | Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal. |
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| 487 | What is a commitee? It is a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. |
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| 488 | When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers. |
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| 489 | Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. |
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| 490 | Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition! |
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| 491 | I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." |
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| 492 | Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it. |
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| 493 | I must be a proctologist... because I work with assholes. |
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| 494 | A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to. |
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| 495 | If you are not committing any sins, you are probably not having a lot of fun. |
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| 496 | The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. |
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| 497 | It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
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| 498 | Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts! |
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| 499 | You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. |
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| 500 | What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. |
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