Now 7397 one-liners online!

Runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners!

Here you can find 400 funny runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners. Runners-up one-liners are one-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100.

Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.