Search One-liners

"Well ya see, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it.

An alcoholic is someone whose feet are firmly planted in thin air.

I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.

Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.

The alcoholic's mind is like a bad neighborhood, don't go there alone.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ?