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5 out of every 4 Americans has trouble with fractions.
 
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
 
All the problems we face in North America today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
 
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
 
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
 
America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans.
 
America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.
 
America is the only country in the world where the poor have a parking problem.
 
America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation.
 
Americans divorce so much we are called the land of the free, and we get married so often that we are called home of the brave.
 
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git".
 
Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.
 
Consider very carefully visiting a country where the license plate motto is "Die American Pig".
 
Deep Throat: Think about it. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. How do school teachers handle this?
 
Football combines the two worst things about American life. It is violence, punctuated by committee meetings.
 
God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!
 
I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.
 
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
 
I'm not saying you're lazy, but you should try out for "American Idle".
 
In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
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