Now 7397 one-liners online!

Search One-liners


Found 40 one-liners matching america
 
In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
 
In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.
 
It takes 250,001 Americans to screw in a lightbulb. 1 to do it..and 250,000 to debate if it was politcally correct.
 
Jeffrey Dahmer was the only man in America whose bologna really did have a first name.
 
Keep America beautiful ... properly dispose of your lawyer.
 
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
 
Only in America are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink.
 
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
 
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
 
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
 
Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
 
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
 
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers.
 
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
 
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
 
The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women.
 
Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".
 
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
 
Why is in that in America they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
 
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?

Missing a one-liner?

Add a one-liner to the list with the one-liner submit form. We are looking for all sorts of one-liners, quotes, sayings, proverbs, jokes and even puns, T-shirt one-liners and bumper stickers. If it is short and funny, we want it!