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A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them.

A dyslexic agnostic doesn't believe in Dog.

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Dog people should marry dog people and cat people should marry cat people.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.