My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you? |
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NASA has just completed work on a new rocket, nicknamed "Civil Servant." It won't work and they can't fire it. |
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People sweat so that they don't catch fire while they're making love. |
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Prometheus: Wouldn't it have been easier and more convenient to steal the fire from hell? |
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Ready - Fire - Aim. |
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Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ... And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money! |
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Religion easily--easily-- has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man. . .living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. |
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family. |
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Strip mining prevents forest fires. |
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Suicide is a way of telling God 'You can't fire me... I QUIT!' |
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The Attorney General has determined that Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms can be dangerous to your health, and get away with it! |
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The fellow who is fired with enthusiasm for his work is seldom fired by his boss. |
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The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. |
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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. |
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The trouble is, by the time you have money to burn, the fire has gone out. |
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The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." |
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There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot. |
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True Love is a friendship set on fire. |
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Universal truth: Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
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Universal truth: You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
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