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Found 280 one-liners matching life
 
I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again.
 
I gotta tell you, I am loving this yada yada thing. I can gloss over my whole life story.
 
I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile. It's a bitch to fold it.
 
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life,...unless I buy something.
 
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
 
I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in hell, until I met you.
 
I rather lose a second in my life, than my life in a second.
 
I think all humans suffer from an identity crisis at some point in their life... Makes me glad I'm a rabbit.
 
I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
 
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.
 
I was high on life, but eventually I built up a tolerance.
 
I was living life in the fast lane...then I married a speed bump.
 
I wonder what life would have been like if you had had enough oxygen at birth.
 
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
 
I've done horrifying things with salad tongs. It's really eaten into my social life.
 
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
 
I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened.
 
If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. (Albert Einstein)
 
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.
 
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.

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