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I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
 
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
 
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
 
I love eating GRITS...Girls Raised In The South
 
I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
 
I love little kids. I just can't always eat a whole one.
 
I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
 
I love oral sex...it's the phone bill I hate.
 
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. 'Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?
 
I love the Stones! I can't believe they're still doing it after all these years. I watch 'em whenever I can, Fred and Barney.
 
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
 
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."
 
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
 
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
 
I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
 
I love you because we speak the same body language.
 
I may not be the world's greatest lover, but number 2 is not bad!
 
I mentioned that I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie.
 
I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
 
I once made love to a female clown. It was weird because she twisted my penis into a poodle.
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