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Found 114 one-liners matching money

	Money isn't everything.... there's credit cards, money orders, and traveler's checks.
	Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
	Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
	Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
	Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
	Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
	Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
	My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
	My parents worked hard to give us everything money could not buy.
	My wife's version of money laundering is cleaning out my pockets every night while I am asleep.
	One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
	Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ... And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
	Religion easily--easily-- has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man. . .living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
	Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
	So you say money doesn't motivate you. What does? I'll buy it for you!
	The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
	The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
	The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store..."
	The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
	The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

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