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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
 
Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
 
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself.
 
Elvis is dead, Mozart is dead, Einstein is dead, and I'm not feeling so great myself.
 
Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
 
Having failed to conquer myself, the best hope now is to arrange an alliance with myself.
 
I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair.
 
I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teenager, I stole a car and drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress." Boy, did I have a lot to learn.
 
I just want to put onions in your pants and cry myself to sleep.
 
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
 
I myself have never been able to find out what precisely feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.
 
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
 
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
 
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
 
I talk to myself a lot. it bothers people, though, because I use a megaphone.
 
I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying
 
I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2 inches taller.
 
I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
 
I'm really a very persuasive person. I can convince myself of anything.
 
I'm trying to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
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