Search One-liners

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

A healthy, male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his weight in other people's patience.

A married man should forget his mistakes; There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Alarm clock: a small, mechanical device to wake up people without children.

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store, with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.