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Found 58 one-liners matching sleep
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A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
 
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
 
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
 
Definition of Innocence: Nun working in condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.
 
Despite the saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!
 
Did you sleep well? "No, I made a couple of mistakes."
 
Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
 
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
 
Drink your coffee, there are people in India sleeping.
 
Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake.
 
Even if you manage to convince me that I am gay, I am NOT going to sleep with you.
 
Hallmark Card: "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.... so we're having you put to sleep."
 
Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.
 
I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish, I turned it on and went to sleep, the record got stuck, the next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
 
I bought an album that teaches you Spanish while you sleep. During the night the record skipped, so now I can only stutter in Spanish.
 
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep. I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's really easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said, "I thought I told you to go to sleep!"
 
I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.
 
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
 
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
 
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
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