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One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.
 
Sleep: a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.
 
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
 
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep
 
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
 
The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.
 
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late!
 
The world is composed of givers and takers..the takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.
 
The world's one big prison, and I'm the warden. Luckily, I'm also asleep.
 
Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one.
 
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
 
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
 
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
 
Women usually sleep on the right side of the bed even in their sleep, they have to be right.
 
You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat.
 
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
 
You know you should go to sleep when the sheep your counting start to hit the fence.
 
Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!
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