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Found 283 one-liners matching think
Many women who think they have purchased a dress for a ridiculous price, have actually bought it for an absurd figure. |
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Marriage is a fine institution. but I don't think I'm ready to be put in an institution yet. |
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
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My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already. |
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My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain. When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. |
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My girlfriend got poison ivy on her brain and the only way she can scratch it is if she thinks about sandpaper. Her father is the guy who designed the diagram to show you which way to put the batteries in something. |
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My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. |
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My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said. |
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My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems. |
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My wife is do dumb...she thinks mutual orgasm is an insurance company. |
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My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes. |
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Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. |
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Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. |
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Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?" |
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Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. |
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Next time you get the urge to think...don't. |
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No brain is stronger than its weakest think. |
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On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot? |
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Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them? He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." |
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One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job. |
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