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Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.

Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.

Communism is like prohibition - it's a good idea, but it won't work.

Computers will never replace the wastebasket when it comes to streamlining office work.

Consultants have credibility because they aren't dumb enough to work at your company.

Definition of Innocence: Nun working in condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.