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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
| 1 | Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. |
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| 2 | I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. |
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| 3 | I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. |
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| 4 | Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. |
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| 5 | Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. |
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| 6 | We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. |
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| 7 | Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. |
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| 8 | The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. |
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| 9 | Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. |
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| 10 | If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. |
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| 11 | Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. |
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| 12 | We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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| 13 | War does not determine who is right - only who is left. |
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| 14 | Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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| 15 | Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. |
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| 16 | Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. |
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| 17 | My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. |
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| 18 | Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. |
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| 19 | The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. |
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| 20 | Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. |
TOP 100 runners-up
One-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100!
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