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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
| 21 | Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. |
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| 22 | If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong... |
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| 23 | To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. |
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| 24 | If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. |
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| 25 | If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? |
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| 26 | If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. |
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| 27 | Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. |
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| 28 | How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? |
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| 29 | A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.. |
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| 30 | Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. |
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| 31 | Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? |
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| 32 | A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. |
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| 33 | I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. |
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| 34 | Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. |
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| 35 | Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do? |
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| 36 | I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian |
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| 37 | A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. |
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| 38 | I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. |
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| 39 | I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" |
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| 40 | The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. |
TOP 100 runners-up
One-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100!
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