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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

41
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
42
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
43
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
44
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
45
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
46
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
47
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
48
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
49
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
50
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
51
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
52
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
53
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
54
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
55
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
56
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
57
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
58
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
59
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
60
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.