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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

41
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
42
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
43
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
44
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
45
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
46
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
47
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
48
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
49
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
50
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
51
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
52
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
53
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
54
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
55
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
56
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
57
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
58
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
59
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
60
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

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