Oneliner
z
dot
NET
TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
| 61 | We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. |
|
|---|---|---|
| 62 | A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. |
|
| 63 | Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. |
|
| 64 | Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. |
|
| 65 | My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. |
|
| 66 | Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. |
|
| 67 | Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. |
|
| 68 | I intend to live forever. So far, so good. |
|
| 69 | I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. |
|
| 70 | I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch. |
|
| 71 | I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." |
|
| 72 | I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. |
|
| 73 | Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. |
|
| 74 | A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." |
|
| 75 | When in doubt, mumble. |
|
| 76 | Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. |
|
| 77 | Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. |
|
| 78 | I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. |
|
| 79 | Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. |
|
| 80 | You're never too old to learn something stupid. |
Next update...
The TOP 100 funny one-liners will be recompiled 4 times a day. The next update will take place in 1 hour and 32 minutes. You may experience some one-liners to shift up or down.
TOP 100 runners-up
One-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100!
Social Bookmarks
You can add our page to your favourite social-networking website like Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Digg, StumbleUpon,...
One-liner Ads