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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

61
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
62
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
63
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
64
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
65
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
66
When in doubt, mumble.
67
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
68
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
69
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
70
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
71
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
72
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
73
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
74
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
75
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
76
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
77
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
78
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
79
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
80
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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