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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

81
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
82
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
83
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
84
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
85
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
86
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
87
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
88
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
89
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
90
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
91
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
92
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
93
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
94
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
95
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
96
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
97
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
98
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
99
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
100
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Runners-up funniest one-liners

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