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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
| 81 | Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. |
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| 82 | You're never too old to learn something stupid. |
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| 83 | When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. |
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| 84 | You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. |
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| 85 | I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." |
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| 86 | Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. |
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| 87 | To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. |
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| 88 | With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. |
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| 89 | Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? |
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| 90 | A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. |
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| 91 | Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever. |
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| 92 | A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. |
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| 93 | Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone. |
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| 94 | If winning isn't everything why do they keep score? |
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| 95 | If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! |
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| 96 | A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. |
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| 97 | Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here." |
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| 98 | If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. |
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| 99 | Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one. |
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| 100 | Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. |
Runners-up funniest one-liners
Are you curious about the one-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100 funny one-liners? Find out by visiting the runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners!
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TOP 100 runners-up
One-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100!
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