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TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

81
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
82
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
83
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
84
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
85
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
86
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
87
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
88
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
89
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
90
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
91
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
92
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
93
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
94
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
95
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
96
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
97
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
98
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
99
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
100
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Runners-up funniest one-liners

Are you curious about the one-liners that did not make it to the TOP 100 funny one-liners? Find out by visiting the runners-up to the TOP 100 funny one-liners!